dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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