if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
