he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
