Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
