i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
