your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
