the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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