need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
