In the future we'll all be gay
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
