checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
two words: eviction party
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
