hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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