just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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