I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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