he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
