i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
