physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize