omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
