you didnt know i had herpes?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
