im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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