she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
