Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
