Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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