fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
