After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
