dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
try to milk me bitch
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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