Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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