i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
