He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
