the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
jump out the window naked night went bad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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