Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
