she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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