i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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