all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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