dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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