Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
