i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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