what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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