I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
