She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
