My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
