my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize