I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh god it's open bar.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
