I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
