I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
