Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Houston, we have a blender
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
