I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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