can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
