but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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