I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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