Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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