You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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