It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
