OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Congratulations! We have a period
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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