Sponge bath it is.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
