Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
