Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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