And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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