But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
