Banned from zoo.
Again?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize