were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
