How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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