your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
