You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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