no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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