Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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