i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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