i would punch a child for taco bell
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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