I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
