The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
