So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
