the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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