so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
