her vagine was all disorganized.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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