I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
