Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
