then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
