I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize