I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
