I want to stick my p in your. b.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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