How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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