after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
