I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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