Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
