we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
