the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
