I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
