remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
