Plan B is the new Plan A
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
