porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
