the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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