I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
