Already got asked if we're dating
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
