he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
