her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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