My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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