as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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