how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
