watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
