I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
