Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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