I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
