You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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