he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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