I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize