So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
