Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
