ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I smell stomach acid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
