you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
