I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
