If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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