Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
