so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize