you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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