I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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