The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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